What’s it like to work as an exotic escort in London? We wanted to know too. 

We hit up the top-billed ladies from one of London’s premier escort agency Dark and Exotic London to get all of the dirt, drama, hilarious and heartwarming tales that only a London escort could have. Names have of course been changed to protect both client and escort privacy, but these are the stories you can’t make up. 

“I was set up with a new client, and he seemed a bit nervous, which is normal. I start things off by offering to go down on him. While I’m doing my thing, I hear him shriek “OH MY GOD!” Not in a good way. I jerk my head up to see what’s wrong and collide, full force, with his mouth. His teeth cut my scalp and there was blood everywhere… Apparently, I had a bug in my hair and it caught him off guard. Needless to say, we were both embarrassed enough that he received a full refund and I went to A&E.” -Jess, 24

“I was booked in for what I thought was a couples appointment. I get these fairly often, they’re super fun and generally involve some kind of kink. So guy and I are getting hot and heavy when the wife walks in on us. He starts freaking out and she seems super upset. I assume it’s a role plaything, so I start trying to coax her into bed with us. She looks really confused/horrified/stunned and basically runs out of the room. Apparently, I was booked for guy and his mistress, who was late. The wife was supposed to be out of town on business.” -Tish, 32

“I have a regular client that has started to get curious about anal play. I’m a big fan of working slowly to prime your body to get used to it, so I gave some detailed instructions about which butt plugs to use and how to work your way up to bigger items, like dildos. My last visit, he showed up with a very seductive and cheeky look on his face and told me he had a “Sunday Surprise” for me… I thought he was talking about the day of the week… he literally meant sundae and had shoved a banana in his back door to make an “ATM split”. I had to rush him to A&E to get it removed. I’m now much clearer when I give anal instruction.” – Lisa, 20

“I had a first time client that booked me for four hours. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me for about the first two. Every advance that I tried was very coolly rebuffed. I finally got so frustrated that I asked him what it was he actually wanted from all of this. His response? “I’m gay. I have no one to talk to about it, my parents would hate me, and my boyfriend keeps telling me I’m a child that doesn’t know what he’s doing.” It broke my heart. We spent the next five hours off the clock, discussing healthy sexuality and relationships and I threw him some of my best sex tips. We’re now super close friends.” -Ashley, 28

“I think the best night I ever had as an escort was when I was hired to be a date for a family function. No sex, just some intelligent arm candy to parade around and keep the parents at bay. My date pointed out this girl that he said he had “loved forever” and “had a crush on since they were kids”. A few hours into the event, and the girl cornered me at the buffet, telling me that my date was an “incredibly special person” and that I should take really good care of him. Saying in a really sad way that she was happy he found someone nice. So obviously, I had to set them up properly. They get married next fall and I’m in the wedding party.” -Catrina, 34

“I got double booked on a client with another escort. Neither of us knew that the other one was coming. Standard practice is that you coordinate the appointment with both girls, so we were pretty shocked to show up at the same time. After having an amazing time- mostly with the other girl- the guy said that our agency had messed up the booking and refused to pay in full, demanding a refund. We found out it was a scam he had tried to run several times. Long story short, he paid in full and I now have an incredible girlfriend. I think we know who really won here.” – Steph, 26